If you're going to guzzle gas, the 2009 Jeep Grand Cherokee is one of the best ways to do it.

This is not just a dreaded SUV, a dinosaur in the making, it's one of the fastest ones ever built, a velociraptor in sheet metal.

Gloriously fast, this SUV sucks down more gas than even the EPA thinks: 11 miles per gallon city and 14 mpg highway. Those are under the best conditions. During my test drive of this SRT8, I probably used a gallon just to start it and listen to the specially tuned 6.1-liter Hemi roar at the touch of my toe.

I don't know its carbon footprint, but it's destined to be outlawed in all of the nambypamby states following California's barely legal tailpipe emission laws crafted by people who think their '77 Rabbit diesel is "fun."

No doubt Congress, at the behest of high priced eco-lobbyists, will require Chrysler to retool the SRT8 program into some sort of polar bear rescue team. After all, their magnificent contributions to the automotive world have melted polar ice caps, etc., etc., etc.

Poppy cock: This SUV is glacier cool -- and even if every person in the world drove one with as much lead-footed glee as me, Michigan would not be one degree warmer in January.

We all read the news and know how SUVs have been ostracized, fast cars have been marginalized and V-8s have been assigned permanent locations in museums. This Jeep Grand Cherokee fights all of those stereotypes.

SUVs may have lost their favor in America for good reason: The excess of the 90s has given way to more conservative driving ideals and no one really needs a vehicle that big to drive to work. But the SRT8 answers a more important question: What do I drive if I'm running late?

The hang 'em high public, with a chip bigger than the Exxon Valdez on its collective shoulder, has decided that things like the Grand Cherokee SRT8 are bad.

No, there's no evil in this machine or in the people who build it or the people who drive it.

So why am I so sensitive today, you ask?

Over the past two weeks I've heard so many incorrect things about Detroit that I've just had enough. If I have to listen to one more person say something like, "American vehicles are junk, I haven't driven one in 20 years," I'll scream.

There's no sense convincing them otherwise, so why try? Allow me a few quiet moments to cling to my guns, my religion, my blistering-fast, niche-market SUV. I'll be better soon enough.

This piece of Detroit iron is not junk; no sir, it's beautiful and wonderful and exhilarating.

And let's get one thing straight: SUVs did not cause global warming. Fiction writers did.

I have no environmental agenda in evaluating a vehicle or feel the need to dictate to people what they should or should not drive because of a social compact with the ozone layer. Others do that quite well, and I enjoy their work. And if you hate these kind of vehicles, you're welcome to stop reading and click on Adam Graham's music reviews; they're always spot on and entertaining.

There's room on the road for things like this SRT8. If not, it'll make its own room, bullying its way through subcompacts and underpowered sedans with 420 horsepower and matching torque. It feels like there are two Hemis under the hood.

There are some nuts that need tightening. It's interior is a little too "racing inspired," a creed the Street and Racing Technology team follow. I may want to go fast, but I don't need to feel like I'm actually inside a race car. I want plush seats, a leather-covered dash, and all the latest gadgets on the navigation screen. The 2009 Grand Cherokee SRT8 is too minimalistic for my liking.

There may be some logic to this: Music, maps and DVD entertainment systems are secondary when driving. This vehicle requires you to keep your eyes on the road.

There are the full compliment of amenities: Bluetooth connectivity for hands free phone operation; SmartBeam headlights (which automatically adjust to oncoming traffic); navigation system; and a plethora of safety features. The packaging of all of these things, however, still feels raw inside.

The all-wheel drive system, racing suspension, Brembo brakes and lowered body help provide the madness to this machine. It flies around corners with a growl and leaves you wanting for more speed.

At 70 mph, it can hit 80 in a heart beat. (It can go from 0 to 60 mph in under five seconds.) The all-wheel drive system lets it rip around corners and keeps it planted on the ground.

And if you want to measure all of those racing stats, the 2009 model includes a performance package display that reads out your 0-60 time, lateral and longitudinal g-force, 1/8 mile and ¼ mile acceleration as well as braking distance.

Performance is king for the SRT8 team and what they did to the Jeep Grand Cherokee is amazing. Lowering its body 1 inch created a more stable and more aerodynamic body. It also gave it a look that no other SUV has. The 20-inch high performance low profile tires, the aluminum wheels, the dark back windows all add to its demeanor. The only thing I don't quite understand is the way the exhaust comes out the back in the center. No towing for this vehicle, just performance.

And it performs like a champ on par with the likes of the Porsche Cayenne and BMW X5 -- without all of those luxury items getting in the way.

SUVs may be going the way of the stegosaurus and woolly mammoth. That die has been cast. Like the dinosaurs that currently fuel today's machines, the Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8 is helping them leave with a bang.